i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize