I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
