The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
