His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
