Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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