it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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