I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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