She is in my trunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I pour the whiskey from now on
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
