only if we run a train.
done.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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