Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
