just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize