look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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