If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
