Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
