You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
