i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
