He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
