Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
