Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
