Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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