Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i already hear my dad disowning me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
