So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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