He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
