Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
