he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
