Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
