$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
