I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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