i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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