I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
