dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just want to make out with him forever
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
