Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
