She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
