i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
