Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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