I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
