Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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