Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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