I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
