He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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