fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
