If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
