the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
