I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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