youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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