why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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