But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
