I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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