A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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