I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
