Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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