He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
