May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
