After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
