I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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