he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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