hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
