Plan B is the new Plan A
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
