it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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