last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
