dude i'm inner monologue high
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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