too bad you live with your parents still
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
