In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
