how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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