her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I want is dick and wine.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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