I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize