It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize