I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
