I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
